Blooming Hope
Winter is rapidly fading away and in its place, spring is blooming hope. Yet there are many still suffering from the cold, bitter storms of the recent past. Today, children are being diagnosed (and miss diagnosed) more than ever. Therapy is recommended for the child who cries, complains, or acts out and parents assume the therapist will “fix” their child, teach them to behave, and will take away their depression and anxiety. Why have parents given so much parenting authority to a complete stranger who may or may not have any parenting skills of their own? Why are the children identified as the problem and not the parents and why don’t the parents seek parenting skills they can implement on their own at home? One hour of therapy a week is not going to do a lot when the client is a 10 year old struggling for the love and attention of his parents who are too busy earning a living, fighting over the bills, or drinking (or smoking) away their own problems.
When did therapists become the second parent in the home?
I listened to the interview Abigail Shrier did with Jordan Peterson and read the book “Bad Therapy” and loved the discussion and concepts presented by the author that focused on the limitations of the therapists. I wish two contributing factors might have been included in her list of causation: The law and the lack of parental engagement in the home.
Consider how the law protects children by involving Child Protective Services (CPS) through mandated reporting of any suspected allegation of sexual, physical, or emotional abuse. In 2024, a new category of abuse was added regarding “dead naming” and “misgendering,” which can result in a child being removed from their home and parent losing parental rights to the state. Often for lesser allegations, CPS will refer the family to therapy or parenting workshops for allegations related to emotional distress and reunification of the child with the parent(s).
For the more serious allegations the child may be removed from the home and placed in Foster Care. Often the parent who has violated the law will make an effort to regain their parenting rights and will work hard to get their child back. Sadly, most won’t. According to the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services most recent study (2022), there are over 368,000 children in the Foster Care System. The system has not been successful in helping these children accomplish an improved lifestyle but has rather kept them physically safe from their “abusive” parents but has unintentionally inflicted more pain and suffering through repeated abandonment through multiple foster homes, group homes, and lack healthy skills to succeed when they age out of the system. Many foster kids end up homeless on the streets, sex trafficked, addicted to drugs and alcohol, and many will die of drug overdose or suicide.
When does hope bloom? When parents engage with their children more than their cell phones and laptops. When parents talk to their children, learn who they are, cultivate experiences designed to elevate the child’s spirits, exposing them to both challenges and solutions that increases resilience, and when necessary, to seek the counsel of a therapist. In many situations, a parent is the BEST therapist because they are with their child more than 1 hour a week. Remember, the child is always learning, always watching, and always wants the love of a parent. Providing love is the foundation for hope.
“And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.” 1 Corinthians 13:13