A Wise Mind
I hope your day is filled with blessings, but more than that, I hope you can see the blessings around you. Often we let our fears, frustrations, and concerns about the future cloud our ability to enjoy the simple pleasures in life. Sometimes, we don’t even know what a “simple pleasure” is because everything in our life is complicated. This can lead to worry and obsessing over the things that drive us to a point of overwhelm. Exhausted, we collapse into a state of hopelessness where there is no hope for tomorrow.
Other times we can be so focused on what is before us we can miss those around us. For instance, have you ever been intent on finishing a project (bathroom remodel, school, work due dates) that you walk right past your crying baby or don’t even hear when your child is calling, “Mommy?” As a father do you walk right past your children on your way to work without even acknowledging they are there? We can get so wrapped up in what is in our mind that we don’t pay attention to our surroundings. Have you ever missed your off ramp because you were lost in thought?
Dr. Marsha Linnehan shares a brief video on The Wise Mind and why these opposite realities happen to us, where we are either very emotional and all in our “feelings”, or we are analytical looking for all the “facts” and don’t care about anyone’s feelings. The goal is to find balance between both how we feel and how we think about things.
When I work with clients and want to share this concept I talk as if we have 2 brains: The thinking brain and the feeling brain. Have you ever been so much in your feeling state that you “lost your mind”? Well that’s a sign that you spent too much time in your feelings. Have you ever been so focused on finding the facts that you steamrolled over your children’s feelings? Yep, you were so interested in getting to the truth that you forgot the feelings and reasons behind the facts.
When you are in your “wise mind” you can reason out situations, conversations, and find the facts without causing harm to your relationships. You need to understand the facts but also understand the reasons (feelings) that caused the situation. Let’s say your child lies about breaking a valuable statue and says he/she didn’t do it. Of course they did and you know it and their lie makes you angry. So you press them to “confess” which causes them great distress and you more frustration. When you can find compassion for them and understand the reason they are lying is because they fear the consequences (spanking, time out, etc.). When you can assure them that if they tell the truth there won’t be any punishment, but if they continue to lie the consequences will be double because there are two violations to be dealt with. The results may surprise you. When your children know you are on their side they feel safe to be honest. When they fear your punishment they will usually do all they can to avoid it. So, don’t get angry about the situation - be wise.
“But the wisdom that is from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, and easy to be entreated, full of mercy and good fruits, without partiality, and without hypocrisy.” James 3:17